Offsides in toenail: forgetting the purpose of the rule, by Harry Brent on Daily Star.

Offsides in toenail: forgetting the purpose of the rule, by Harry Brent on Daily Star.

I’ve absolutely had it with these toenail offsides. What gripes me most about it is the fact that we’ve completely forgotten what the offside rule is there for. There’s a reason these offsides are so unsatisfying, they’re as anti-football as an Avram Glazer-flavoured prawn sandwich.

Well that notion’s gone – carelessly discarded beneath a pile of broken USB sticks and tattered software manuals for the sake of a bunch of tedious pedants with fancy protractors no one ever asked for. “But offside is offside. It’s black and white.” No it isn’t.

Shut up you miserable, uncultured swine. How do you feel about ‘toenail offsides’? So some VAR calls didn’t go their way.

Boo-hoo. Besides, I don’t remember them talking about ‘integrity’ and ‘transparency’ when VAR kept bailing them out in the play-off final or when Burnley’s perfectly good winner was chalked off against them a few months back. So unless you start scoring own goals every time VAR does you a favour… you know, because ‘integrity’… put a sock in it, Forest.

Aluko’s been an absolute nightmare since swapping professional football for professional victimhood a few years back. Well it shows she’s happy to lie if it’ll win her sympathy. So take her latest bit of don’t I have it toughery with enough pinches of salt to melt a snowman.

She’s talking out of her arse after all – a quarter of all Premier League spectators are women and numbers have been climbing for years. She’s just riling people up for the sake of clicks and attention, and with all due respect, Eni, that’s my job.


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